Drivers Education - My Way.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, "In the big picture, it really doesn't matter if I'm a good driver or not. Leave me alone."

Luckily this car was parked, or I would have been following them around watching and waiting (not very long) for them to undoubtedly pull off the terrible, irresponsible and dangerous driving maneuvers that so spawned this article. I wanted to leave a note on their car that read, "Hi, you are an idiot."

This made me think of all the things that make somebody a bad and dangerous driver, and here is the big picture as I view it:

If you switch lanes or turn and don't use your blinker, you are a moron.

That is the absolute truth.

If you are thinking to yourself, "I have years of driving experience, I've never used my blinker and I'm fine." Then congratulations, you have been an idiot for years and never knew it. I'm happy that I was able to help you learn something about yourself.

If you are thinking, "LOL BLINKER? THIS IS LOS ANGELES NOBODY USES THEIR BLINKER HERE." Then I hope you die.

So why does it even matter? Because every single turn you make without moving your hand THREE FUCKING INCHES to click on your blinker puts every single car around you in danger because they have NO IDEA what you're about to do and could potentially not see you SINCE YOU DIDN'T ALERT THEM. Sort of like when people don't put on their lights until it's completely dark out. "LOL I CAN SEE FINE I DON'T NEED MY LIGHTS." It's not for you you moron! It's so OTHER PEOPLE SEE YOUR CAR. If you are so lazy, and feel so entitled that you think you don't need to drive safely because you are too fucking cool then seriously I hope you get into an accident and get injured badly enough that you can never be behind the wheel again. If I were a judge I'd hand out the maximum fine and sentence for every single person who got a ticket involving not using a blinker. People in California seem to think their entitled to drive like mentally retarded people simply because the CHP has better things to do than bust people for not using a blinker. NEWSFLASH: YOU STILL NEED TO USE IT.

When you're sitting at a green light waiting to take a left but you can't turn yet because there is a car coming. Suddenly that car takes a right without his blinker on, and you are saying, "GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE TURNED 5 MINUTES AGO IF I WASN'T WAITING FOR YOUR ASS TO DRIVE BY THEN YOU DIDN'T EVEN DRIVE BY YOU TURNED YOU FUCKER."

Or when you are almost hit by a car speeding up behind you who decides to switch lanes without blinkering at the same time you are switching WITH your blinker on, and then they give you a dirty look. Are you fucking kidding me? Where did you get your license, Ebay?

I won't even get into the guys driving their busted pickup trucks 80mph with refrigerators and lawn mowers tied into the gate-less truck bed by 5lb. twine.

I feel bad for people who grew up here in L.A. and have no experience with real driving. If you grow up driving here and then travel ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE COUNTRY you are going to be so eff'd. Places where you get a $100 ticket for not using your blinker, or places where they actually use the algorithm for calculating speeding ticket costs. i.e. $50 starting fee, plus $10 for every MPH over the speed limit you are.

Anyway, don't drive like a moron. I have no intention of getting off my high horse on this one, and I'll be wiping my ass with any argument you conjure up because IN THE BIG PICTURE...it's illegal, dangerous, and I win.